BREAKING NEWS !!! PRINCE EDWARD CAUGHT IN AN UNCOMPROMISING POSITION WITH A YOUNG CRIPPLED MAID. PLUS, REVEALED TO HAVE A FETISH FOR CASTS.

By our correspondent in Yorkshire, John Bottoms

Prince Edward, who has just recently been engaged to Lady Fartingale from Chiswick, was caught yesterday in a secluded cinema in Leeds, in a most explicit position, in the company of a poor crippled young maiden. A local usher at the Lardmansion cinema in the center of Leeds was surprised to discover - as he walked into one of the V.I.P. boxes of the cinema in order to collect the tickets - Prince Edward himself, crouching over a young crippled maiden lying with her crutches on the floor, and licking the cast which covered her right leg. The Prince was reported to have been making "eager licking and smooching sounds" according to the shocked usher (whose identity is kept under cover), and "enjoying every bit of it". As for the poor young maiden who was the victim of the Prince's fetish activity - the only details released so far by the Leeds police are her initials, S.J.B., and her occupation - a starlet in cheap American "B" films. She was reported to be in a state of mild hysteria. Speculations as per her identity have spread throughout Leeds after the breaking of the shocking news, and according to the common opinion she is Susan Joachim Bangs, from a small village in the outskirts of Leeds. No comment has been made yet by the Royal Palace regarding this disturbing incident.